i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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