I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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