Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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