Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
