He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think i got beer on your cat.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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