He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
