just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
