if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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