I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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