the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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