The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
