So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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