apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
