I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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