wanna go halves on a baby?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
