I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
