so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
