Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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