apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
