Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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