White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
