I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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