Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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