if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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