Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
