just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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