every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
