I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
