Don't make out with my wife yet
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
