Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
