It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
