Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize