And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
