Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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