thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
