I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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