It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
