I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
