Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
