if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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