I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
