Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
