ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
