how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
