you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
