drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
