yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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