He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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