Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
