So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
whose ass print is on the piano?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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