I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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