Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
