Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
