my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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