he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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