I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
