Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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