You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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