You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize