I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
