Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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