trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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