Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
