I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
